JM 1

I miss you so bad 😢

Dedicated special for JM ☺️

I CANNOT THINK OF A SINGLE
THING ABOUT HIM THAT I AM NOT
ABSOLUTELY IN LOVE WITH, BUT

MY FAVORITE ATTRIBUTE OF HIS

WOULD HAVE TO BE THE WAY HIS
EYES DISAPPEAR WHEN HE
SMILES SO BIG, I SWEAR
EVERYTIME HIS EYES CRINKLE UP
I FALL A LITTLE MORE IN LOVE. ❤️

Johan Mukriz bin Abdul Ghani. From years 2012 until 2016. Memories to remember. May Allah bless you & repay all kindness that you have done for me. 🌹 - NSAR

*something to bear in mind when I look back at this post few year later ☺️

same thing happened to me few years ago

Assalamualaikum hi. Here we are again my personal Diary.

Few years ago (which is almost 4 years), I was in a worst year of mine. Breaking up with my bf (ex by now) was the saddest I have ever felt in my life. Even though the relationship was last for only 4 month tp perasaan sedih tu, I can't express in word. sakitnya tu sampai I got sick. I can't sleep, I didn't eat well, cried all day all night, I even can't stand properly. There was one night, when I was about to get up and switch on the light, suddenly I fell down. Jatuh mcm orang yang kaki tak boleh guna, lebih kurang mcm nangka busuk. Hahaha but at that time I was so sad, bila jatuh tu terus continue nangis. I felt so stupid and useless. Rasa mcm why on earth aku jadi mcm ni. It was only a stupid relationship.

Back to reality. What I wanna says is, thing that happened to me few years ago, happen again today when I suddenly fell from the bed while trying to switch off the fan (bukan jatuh dari katil tau, ni yg dah berdiri sekali kaki tak support dan terus collapse). And I was like, SERIOUSLY??? the same thing?? same pain?? BUT DIFFERENT PERSON DIFFERENT FEELING. damn girl....

beyond our expectation

Assalamualaikum, hi. We meet again, with me having a lot of problems. Well people who know me, know how fuck up my life is. But that not gonna ruins everything that I have build this few years, it might change me a little, by little I means a lot. Yeah I've changed a lot, I've becoming a new Syahida, the one who always feel stressed with all the problem that I have. Some said, pain either hurts you, or changes you. Well, I got both, it hurts and it changes me..

Why did I changed myself? The best way not to get your heart broken is to pretend that you dont have one. that's why being means and heartless is my only choice so that when the people I love hurt me, I feel nothing. I am being mean not only to everyone, but also to myself. Keep punishing myself for every mistake that I have done. For being so stupid, being so caring, for annoys people that I love, I even cannot love myself for what I did. I feel a lot of self hatred for myself right now.

It just not the same me anymore. You can hurt me whenever you want, with whatever you do, by doing something stupid. But at the same time, you create the monster side in me. No more "Mrs nice guy" after this. Screw you and whatever you do. Me not interested anymore =)