Assalamualaikum, hi. We meet again, with me having a lot of problems. Well people who know me, know how fuck up my life is. But that not gonna ruins everything that I have build this few years, it might change me a little, by little I means a lot. Yeah I've changed a lot, I've becoming a new Syahida, the one who always feel stressed with all the problem that I have. Some said, pain either hurts you, or changes you. Well, I got both, it hurts and it changes me..
Why did I changed myself? The best way not to get your heart broken is to pretend that you dont have one. that's why being means and heartless is my only choice so that when the people I love hurt me, I feel nothing. I am being mean not only to everyone, but also to myself. Keep punishing myself for every mistake that I have done. For being so stupid, being so caring, for annoys people that I love, I even cannot love myself for what I did. I feel a lot of self hatred for myself right now.
It just not the same me anymore. You can hurt me whenever you want, with whatever you do, by doing something stupid. But at the same time, you create the monster side in me. No more "Mrs nice guy" after this. Screw you and whatever you do. Me not interested anymore =)